Grief caused by the loss of a loved one, in the form of death, is certainly a bitter pill to swallow. It strikes us hard and disrupts our life as we know it. It takes us time to face our loss, come out of denial and be accepting of it. Only when we have acknowledged our loss, do we start the bereavement process.

People process their grief in a varying manner. Some might take a long time to come to terms with the truth of their loss. Others might need relatively lesser time to accept the loss but find themselves unable to move past their grief. While many others might be in complete denial mode for a long time. One cannot put a timeline to the process of bereavement.

What is bereavement?

The word 'bereavement' comes from the ancient German for 'seize by violence'. Sometimes when someone dies, it can feel just like that - like that person has been forcibly taken away. Today the word 'bereavement' is used to describe the period of grief and mourning we go through after someone close to us dies.  

When someone you care about suddenly leaves your life, it's not a case of taking time out to recover. 'Recovery' suggests that you will emerge exactly the same as you were before. In reality, all of your experiences shape the person you are, and experiencing the death of someone you care about often has the biggest impact. Bereavement is about trying to accept what happened, learning to adjust to life without that person and finding a place to keep their memory alive while you try to get along as best you can.

What is bereavement counselling?

Bereavement counselling is designed to help people cope more effectively with the death of a loved one. Specifically, bereavement counselling can:

• offer an understanding of the mourning process
• explore areas that could potentially prevent you from moving on
• help resolve areas of conflict still remaining
• help you to adjust to a new sense of self
• address possible issues of depression or suicidal thoughts

You will probably never stop missing the person you lost, but with enough time and the right support, a new life can be pieced together and purpose can be reclaimed.

Bereavement counselling aims to get you to the point where you can function normally - however long it takes. One day, you may be able to find happiness again. By creating a place to keep the person you lost, and finding ways to remember them (like anniversary celebrations, or leaving flowers at a memorial site), you should be able to preserve their memory and honour the impact they had on your life, without letting their absence obscure your own future.With time, pain does settle.

Read the full fact-sheet on Counselling Directory.

What should I be looking for in a counsellor or psychotherapist?

Currently there are no official rules or regulations in place that stipulate what level of training a bereavement counsellor needs. However, it is recommended that you check to see if your counsellor or therapist is experienced in this area.

A Diploma level qualification (or equivalent) in bereavement counselling or a related topic will provide assurance and peace of mind that your counsellor has developed the necessary skills.